How’s that for a clickbait headline? Kinda sucks, right? How many keywords do I need in this first graf? If I give Google my firstborn child, can I improve my search results?
Most important, Amazon didn’t decide my book is too obscene or mean, so youse can buy it now, in paperback in addition to the Kindle version. Go to it. It’s shiny. (Actually, the cover is matte, because matte covers are sensual. Sensual like doing down dog after a truly delirious set of tabata intervals. (Should I ™ that?) According to Ben Arzate of Cultured Vultures, the book is “almost as entertaining as her fiction and full of sound advice that would be great as well for people who suffer plain old anxiety and depression instead of fitness issues.
Although he observes that after reading my fiction, I’d “be the last person to write a self-help book,” which is totally true…
…which is exactly why my advice is so sincere. Self-help books are not how I make my living, or even my vocation. I’m an editor by day, cult novelist by whenever I can squeeze it in. This project started out as a sarcastic, satirical statement on the horrible market for books that exists right now, and ended with the realization that I have real strategies that can really, honestly help people.
Which is the last thing you would think I would do… but there’s always the profit motive! At eight dollars a copy though, in beautifully tangible paperback designed by Marcus A. Brown, it should be fairly obvious that I am, for once, going for quantity of readers rather than quality. (Although my high-quality readers from the past are going to enjoy this as a light romp, if Arzate’s experience is any indication.)
Yeah, so eight bucks. For all the sorrow and wisdom I have gained through four decades of stumbling through this vale of tears without giving myself diabetes or a cardiac condition. It’s all yours: the chance to copy someone’s successes whilst avoiding their errors, funks, and failures. Most self-help books really are snake oil, so lucky you: you’ve stumbled upon one that is actually going to help, even if it is despite my worst intentions as a satire writer.