“Health Goth” Was Stillborn, but Let’s Make It Undead!

Would she have hung out with me in high school? Courtesy of Health Goth.

I hereby propose to you Hedonia’s Law, which states: To any Internet law there is an infinite number of possible addenda. I came up with this one because I just now discovered the subcultural addendum to Law 34 (“If it exists, there’s porn of it”). Hedonia’s Addendum to law 34 is: Stick any random word into Google with the name of a subculture and there’s a new subculture for it.

Now that we’ve got the least clickbaity, most convoluted fucking article intro in history over with, let me explain: I consider Disaster Fitness to be in large part a goth fitness blog, and I wondered if there were any kindred souls out there. So I Googled “goth fitness.” Well, apparently, Health Goth is a thing and has been since 2014. What kind of rock were my gargoyle and I living under?! Well, maybe there’s a burgeoning scene at this point for me and my blog to glom onto.

Hahahahah, why would I ever be that lucky? I looked the search results over, and pickings are slim, like your favorite goth dude: the main, “official Health Goth” site is pretty skimpy, mostly some boilerplate fitness guru lectures about diet and tuffness dressed up in Joy Division shirts (of course, the most fully developed part of the site is a merch page, demonstrating for the billionth time why I’m a half-assed goth: I can’t afford all those specialty clothes). They benefited from a couple of articles by trend-hunting journalists in the Guardian, the Chicago Reader, and the Huffington Post, but it was more of a “look at the nice freaks, now on to the next click” sort of thing than an in-depth look at what appears to be mostly an Instagram trend. No offense, guys, it’s a great aesthetic, the site is inspiring as far as it goes, but we can do better.

I want Disaster Fitness to be a sustainable community, and that means appealing to more than just the handful of remaining kids who are interested enough to dress up as full-blown fashion goths. I want to appeal to anyone who’s ready to use fitness as a crucial part of getting over a traumatic experience, be it a tour in Afghanistan, an abusive family, or both (or something else). Of course I personally want to wear as much white makeup and red lipstick as possible, but not every fitness buff who wants to escape a disaster appreciates the same aesthetic.

Hey, there’s pain enough, and sweat enough, for all of us.

Welcome to Disaster Fitness, then; please comment on the pieces, share, and tell your friends about us (yes, I’m already including you in my morbid, sweaty little world). Feel free to talk to me using the contact form, and let’s take this moribund Huffington-fad and turn it into a great thing.

Steely blue eyes, black hair, bitchy lipstick… but I dunno how she’s going to lift in that goofy belt.

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